Two things: the rest of my day and a thought or stuggle of mine unveiled ( it could be interesting)

I got a lot done today. I cleaned out our storage shed all by my little ol self, sorted through all of it and organized them into seperate piles. Ha ha it sounds like it went nice and smooth and everything is neat, well not exactly. It went more like this: I put on a pair of long to my knees funky socks and a bandana and a set of heavy duty gloves so that maybe the spiders wouldn't get in my shoes, hair or on my hands! I go out to the shed open the door to see the massive amount of WORK I am in for...........at first glance I think it doesn't look to bad. I start digging in all brave not even worring about the spiders. Then as I get a little bit deeper I see a bunch of egg sacks and when I get the box outside there are tiny baby spiders everywhere and then out of nowhere comes the MAMA spider.............ick, now I have the major jeepers creepers! I killed them and had to take a break to get the horrid feeling of them running all over me off. So after that I did better and I got through all of the mess. It was very hard but lucky for me it wasn't too hot today. After all of that Rick came home and helped me get the boxes in the house and carport and then he took out the trash................I know that this is just to exciting for you and you know I think I was going somewhere deep with it but I can't remember where now, o well I guess I will stop then.

Okay enough about my day...........during all of this and much more that I chose not to bore you with I realized something while I was listening to the radio. I normally listen to contempory christian music but I didn't have any cds and the christian radio station wasn't playing music so I turned on, what is for me, the dreaded 93.1 for a good reason that I had never pondered on enough to really figure out what it was, I just knew that secular music didn't set well with me anymore. Here is what happened. I turned it on and a song came on that I didn't really know but it had a good beat to it. So I am cleaning up and fixing lunch for Kai when another song comes on and this time I recognize it and this feeling starts to invade my mind..........what it is I am not really sure for I haven't analyzed it much so I push past it and as I am dancing along to the song I start getting very depressed............my spirit feels like it is being suppressed........it can't breath. As the song continues flashes of my past sinfulness flash in my mind and then the lies begin of how much fun it was. It was like i was drained of my joy in that moment and the flashes were showing me that my joy is back there in the club dancing shamedly and immodestly surrounded by lurking eyes and evil drink. I could feel it taking over my whole being and it's grip was tight and only growing tighter as the song continued. My thoughts were in a full fledged battle with it and I was confused and only growing more so.........I realized that I had to turn the song off. I went over to it and switched it off and walked back over to where I was.............the feelings slowly started to subside and I started to gain back my strength very slowly............the lies that were so deceitfully pleasant before were now coming into the light again where they were bare.......................after awhile I knew what exactly had happend and how dangerous it was. The flesh had it's filthy dark decietful hands on me through the song.........it had me for a second or so it thought. It tried to pull me back into the lie that my past of living in the world was more fullfilling and filled with more joy than what was sitting right in front of me at the time.................my Kai. Evil was lurking in me, Oh but thank God for Him and His Power over this evil. I fought with the words that He gave me, the Words that He says to store in my heart and they battled against the flesh and even though it was painful and hard God prevailed in me and allowed me to not be held captive to it! It is only because of Him that I do not fall back into the world............its pull on me is so strong on me sometimes and I alone do not have what it takes to fight if off ONLY God and His Word can sustain me and give me the strength to do it. Halleiluha, Praise God for He is awesome. Sometimes I can't believe that I am sooo tempted to turn my back on God..........the devil is so clever and full of tricks to get me to really believe for a second that maybe it was better.........never, never is it or will it be better than Christ and His fullness. What He has given me, life......an angel Kai........a precious unsuspected gift Eli............and a man full of the grace of God and a zeal for Him that in my eyes can't be matched! Amen I love You Jesus and am forever grateful for what You have done for me and in me.